Sunday, September 03, 2006

Dancing in the sheets 

My wife is pregnant (he remarks as if he his last blog was just yesterday), which is creating a bit of a problem in bed. The additional girth, you see, creates a bit of a physical problem. It’s the duvet. Under normal circumstances, I am bigger than my wife, and therefore I have the edge in the nocturnal battle over the duvet, Cape Town still being a bit chilly in the evenings towards the end of winter. As it is now, she has additional leverage, and so when she starts to reel it in, I just spin. The situation seems hopeless.

Fortunately, the solution occurred to me: it’s like big game fishing. When you are reeling in a big fish, the trick is to give it some line when it’s really fighting, then to reel in when your opponent comes in your direction, or tires a little. So it is with duvets. The trick, though, is not to be too greedy. Too much duvet and you will be slumbering gently whilst the whole thing is whipped off because the other side of the bed has got too cold. If you happen to be holding on at that point, then you are liable to whiplash or other injury. Try explaining that one to medical aid. If your opponent is as devious as you, the duvet will be retracted gently until you find yourself dreaming about being arse deep in a snowdrift. At that point it’s too late – you’re too cold to warm up enough to get back to sleep, so you may as well get up and make breakfast. It’s good practice for when the bump is waking you up of its own accord. Isn’t nature ingenious?

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